what is jealousy

What is Jealousy and how it destroys you and your relationship

What is Jealousy and how it destroys you and your relationship. Jealousy is a sign of love? WRONG!

If jealousy impacts humans negatively then why do we continue to behave this way? Psychologists tend to believe humans are inherently jealous, simply because our jobs, relationships and material goods mean a lot to us, and we don’t want to lose them.

Jealousy is the fear of losing something (a lover, promotion, friend, etc.) to someone else.  Jealousy causes us to take precautionary measures at the risk of upsetting or frustrating your significant other. Jealousy is a major relationship problem and has nothing to do with what love is.

trust and jealousy in a relationshipRealize your partner’s jealousy isn’t about you; it’s about them. Respond to expressions of jealousy by reassuring your partner of your love. Research has shown that those who respond to a partner’s jealousy by reassuring them of their interest and attraction tend to have more stable relationships. This can be difficult, as you shouldn’t have to reassure them over every little thing. It will get tiring really fast. The jealous person will, at times, tune the other out, believing what they want to believe. This is toxic.


Low self-esteem

Neuroticism: moody, anxious and emotionally unstable

Being accusatory and believing what isn’t true

Highly reactionary towards situations

Feelings of inadequacy

Fearing you’re not good enough

An anxious attachment style

Unrealistic expectations about relationships

A misguided sense of ownership of your spouse or significant other

Hurtful experience of abandonment in the past

Poor self-image


Fear of being abandoned or betrayed

Fear of losing someone or something important

Intense possessiveness

A desire to control

All of these factors that relate to jealousy are about insecurities of the jealous people, not about the love they have for their partner.

jealousy in a relationship is toxic

How should you deal with jealousy if you’re the one snooping around?

Avoid situations that are likely to arouse false suspicions. Stop monitoring social media such as facebook and twitter. The more you snoop on social media, the more you will worry, leading to even more spying, creating a vicious cycle of increased monitoring and jealousy. Spying leads to nothing more than feeding the brain false beliefs. Jealous people will accuse their significant other of things they aren’t doing, which causes stress and fights. The cycle feeds itself. The downward spiral begins.

The jealous person needs to work on themselves and their confidence.

Communicate with your partner

If you are experiencing jealousy, talk about it with your partner—but the way you talk is key: If you express anger or sarcasm, or hurl accusations at your partner, that’s not going to help. You must be not hostile.

When you get jealous over “stupid things,” you’re not showing love, you’re revealing your own insecurities.

Jealousy will eventually destroy your marriage or relationship.

A little jealousy is reassuring and programmed into us. A lot of jealousy is scary and has driven people to some very dangerous behavior. There’s no reason to believe that jealousy will improve with time. Jealousy goes to the core and its toxic roots run deep.

what is jealousy in a relationship

In relationships where feelings of jealousy are mild and occasional, it reminds the couple not to take each other for granted. It can encourage couples to appreciate each other and make a conscious effort to make sure the other person feels valued. Jealousy, in the right doses, heightens emotions, making love feel stronger. In small, manageable doses, jealousy can be a positive force in a relationship.

When jealousy is intense, accusatory or irrational, the story is very different; it will seriously damage a relationship.

Jealous individuals experience a multitude of feelings including fear, anger, humiliation, sense of failure, feeling suspicious, threatened, rage, grief, worry, envy, sadness, doubt, pain and self-pity. The significant other, on the receiving end, feels the same because they are told how bad or “suspicious” they are, whether this is true or not. This is toxic.

jealousy is no trust in a relationship

Jealousy keeps us under a sense of discouraging frustration and disappointment. It works like slow poison in our otherwise healthy relationship.

People who feel secure and like themselves tend to be less jealous of others and less possessive of their partners. Those who have experienced abandonment or betrayal in their lives can become overwhelmed with jealousy. Eventually, it will erode your relationship and destroy your marriage. Jealousy is a way to exert control in a relationship. Getting control of your jealousy does not mean getting control of your partner, it means getting a handle on your own emotions.

Projecting negative feelings onto your partner due to jealousy is not fair and will destroy the very thing you are afraid of losing – your relationship.

Admit your jealous behavior and accept that it’s hurting your relationship

Discuss the roots of your or your spouse’s jealous feelings

Don’t spy on your significant other

Don’t accuse your significant other (ie jump to conclusions)

Make a decision to change your behavior. You may need to get counseling

Realize you can’t control someone else and shouldn’t attempt to. The person you are accusing will shrink to nothing over time and will feel uncomfortable being in the relationship. No one wants to live in fear or walk on egg shells. No one wants to be accused of doing something they are not. It is incredibly uncomfortable defending yourself over things that do not exist. It is incredibly toxic. Being blamed for things you are not doing is an incredibly difficult argument to win. The jealous person has all the answers and there is nothing you can do about it. In their world, they’re always right.

I think I speak for everyone when I say a jealous relationship is incredibly uncomfortable to be in. Regardless of what you do or how you act, there will always be something they saw or read to put you in a bad light. This is incredibly toxic and will reduce your self-worth to absolutely nothing over time. Good luck, I wish you well, and hope for the best for you.




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